I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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