Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
