I puked a lego.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
