My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
