I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
