whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
