I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize