Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
