i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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