Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
