based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
