If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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