My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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