So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
