Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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