You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize