i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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