Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize