margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
