Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
