my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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