remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wear drunk well.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
