quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
