ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
