Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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