Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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