I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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