I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
