So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
