He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
