Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
