somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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