I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize