So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
