oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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