Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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