we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
