I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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