I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
