I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
