I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
