my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
