Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
