Can i not drive my cunt home
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
