Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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