You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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