I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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