Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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