Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
