onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
