It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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