Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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