im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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