Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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