I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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