what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I need to stop coming to work sober
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
