Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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