hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
