I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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