I wannas sexs uuuuu
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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