If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
