1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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