you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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