God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
