This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
