You made me cry and you don't even care
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
