how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
