a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
