so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
