Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
