you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
