angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
