someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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