she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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